This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
