Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
