Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
