We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
