I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
