the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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