god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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