I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
