Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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