Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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