He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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