Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
