ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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