Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
