I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
