that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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