Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
