Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
