He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
