Im at strip club and am horny
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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