Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
