Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
