I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
