the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
