Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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