I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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