I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
