I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
