i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
