I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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