I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
