apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
