We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
