I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
