when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
