I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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