i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
