you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
