One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
