At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
