Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
