I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
