Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
