i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
