My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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