the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
