you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
