I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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