I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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