i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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