I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
