I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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