btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
