What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
